Going to couples counseling is a big step towards improving your relationship and addressing any issues that you may be facing. Particularly in the postpartum period, when your roles have shifted, you’re likely sleep deprived, and you are navigating a brand new set of challenges, postpartum therapy can be essential for improving communication and maintaining a sense of connection in this phase of life.
If you are recently postpartum, you might find yourself looking at your husband thinking, “who are you?!” or “how have I never seen this side to you before?!”. There’s something about having a baby that brings out a new lens on how you view your partner… you really can’t know what kind of parent they’ll be until you see them navigating parenthood, and it can bring up a lot from their childhood that you may not be familiar with. Remember: they are likely to be experiencing the a similar confusion… like their world turned upside down, because it did!
Finding time for couples counseling can also be a challenge to get to when you have a new baby. Time and finances can be tight in this phase of life, and it may not be possible for you and your loved one to prioritize couples counseling in the way you would want. While you discern if couples therapy is right for you, there are three books that can provide you with valuable insights and tools to improve your relationship, and help you discern if you need the support of a trained professional.
- “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman: This book is based on decades of research by John Gottman and his team on what makes relationships successful. It covers seven principles that are crucial for a healthy and thriving relationship, including understanding the importance of maintaining a positive emotional climate and learning how to communicate effectively. It includes countless assessments of your communication styles, prompts for discussion, and background on the research the Gottmans have done around what works and what doesn’t in a relationship. Of the three recommendations, this option is the most research-based, and at times feels academic.
- “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love” by Dr. Sue Johnson: This book provides a powerful framework for improving relationships through Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). This type of therapy emphasizes the idea that emotions play a critical role in our relationships and that by learning to understand and connect with our partner’s emotions, we can build a strong and lasting bond. EFT is a very behavioral therapy approach which means that Dr. Johnson provides specific, simple exercises for readers that they can apply to their own lives to drive change. These are the same exercises an EFT-trained therapist would walk you through. This book is really valuable, but at times is a bit corny!
- “8 Great Dates” by John and Julie Schwartz Gottman: This book is a step-by-step guide for you and your partner to understand what matters most to you in hard to talk about, but important areas, like money, sex, and trust. It’s more of a “fun” guide to getting closer to your partner than an academic text, laden with research. The authors provide settings that can fit every budget – all you really need is the book and a willingness to talk together.
In conclusion, these three books can provide you with a wealth of information and tools to help you as you navigate new challenges in your relationship, postpartum. They can also give you a better understanding of the issues you may be facing, where you and your partner are coming from, and how to approach them in a positive and productive manner. The goal of most couples counseling is getting you back to a place where you feel like you are on the same team. By reading these books before you start your counseling journey, you will be better equipped to address the challenges in your relationship and work towards building a stronger and happier future together.
