The secret to feeling like yourself again postpartum is often shockingly simple; set goals. Before you roll your eyes, give me 1 minute to convince you. First of all, if you’re thinking, “How am I supposed to set goal when I can barely stand up, I’m leaking everywhere, and I haven’t slept in days (or weeks!)”, you are not alone.
I’m a perinatal therapist, and I work with new moms and postpartum couples every day, and I know that it can feel like a hill you have no energy to climb. But setting goals that feel like you, and feel vaguely attainable to you is the first step to feeling like yourself, postpartum.
After giving birth, your body goes through numerous changes, and it takes time to adjust to the new reality of caring for a baby. In the midst of all this, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and lose sight of personal goals. Suddenly the things that matter to you, your passions, values, work, and habits can come after the realities of postpartum life. However, setting achievable goals can help you regain a sense of control over your life and feel empowered in this new role as a mom.
Here are some tips for setting goals while postpartum:
- Be realistic
The first step in setting goals is to be realistic. Understand that your body has been through a lot, and it will take time to recover fully. Don’t set goals that are too ambitious or that require too much time or energy. Instead, focus on small, achievable goals that can be easily accomplished. For example, set a goal of drinking your coffee hot and alone every day. Or a goal of going on a half mile walk, to ensure you get outside at some point. Or, consider making an effort to text 1 friend each day. Things that are important to you need to come back slowly, in a way that feels accessible.
Naming these simple tasks as goals and then completing them will help you feel accomplished and build momentum to take on larger tasks, like working out, making new friends, and returning to the activities that you love.
- Prioritize
It’s important to prioritize your goals. Determine what is most important to you and focus on those goals first. Often times, this comes in the form of a value. For instance, if you value community, make it a priority to meet a new friend once a week. This might look like going to a lactation support group, signing up for a community circle for new local moms, or joining an online support community that meets via zoom. Another example could be that you value nutrition, so maybe you make an effort to make an elaborate meal a few days a week, or prioritize a trip to your favorite market while your partner, friend, or family member hangs out with your baby. Naming your values will allow you to take back the small pockets of time that you do have.
- Set specific goals
When setting goals, it’s important to be specific. Instead of setting a vague goal like “exercise more,” set a specific goal like “go for a 30-minute walk three times a week.” This will make it easier to track your progress and measure your success. When working with clients, I often recommend that clients pick something they want to do every single day. This helps them avoid the guess work of “how many times per week” it needs to happen during a season when day and night often blend together. This might look like having a certain type of juice in the morning or afternoon snack. Maybe it’s reading during 1 nap time a day or taking the time to get ready in the morning. I once had a coaching client who’s goal, even in the early days of postpartum, was to walk to Starbucks each day because it got her out of the house, and enabled her to talk to people. She ended up meeting new neighbors, connecting with the employees, and building a little community that was cheering her on and watching her baby grow.
- Use a planner
Using a planner can be helpful when setting and achieving goals. This might look like a paper planner, utilizing iCal, or grabbing a whiteboard or fridge board at your local target and marking off each day you accomplish your task. That way, when you’re reaching for a bottle, you’re reminded of your goals for the day, and you are tracking your progress.
- Get support
Don’t be afraid to ask for support from family and friends. Having a support system can be the difference maker when it comes to avoiding postpartum anxiety and depression. Many new moms have access to supportive family and friends, but don’t know how to advocate for their needs. And many supportive family and friends don’t know how to offer help, and instead offer distance when they don’t know how to step in. I’d recommend keeping a list of what would be helpful on your phone and asking the people who offer help, or who come to your house to do something on your list. Getting this help frees up your time to focus on the things that matter to you.
Ultimately, it takes time and intention to feel like yourself again, postpartum. Many new moms struggle in the early weeks and months; you are not alone. If it feels like nothing you’ve tried is helping, and you just want to feel like yourself again, try the tips above for setting reasonable goals. If you still find yourself struggling, it might be time to find a coach or a therapist who can come up with individualized support.
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