Last weekend, I spent 48 hours with my two best friends from college, and I consider it one of the best investments of time, money, and energy I’ve made all year. Once again, it reminded me of the importance of friends for moms.
How Did This Mom Time Start?
Let me back up, I graduated from college in 2013, and before two of my best friends and I left our college campus, we spent a magical 3 days together. We talked about everything, ate all of our favorite restaurants, and sat on the floor of our house full of senior women, dreaming about the future. We made a beautiful commitment to reconnect once a year, and go “wherever we need to be to be together”.
It turns out that we needed to be in Georgia, South Carolina, Seattle, Newport Beach, Indian Wells, Santa Barbara, San Jose, and Sacramento. We’ve stayed at bougie hotels, each others’ apartments and homes, and most recently one of our parents’ houses. The budget has evolved, the content has not. The agenda is consistent; we walk, talk, drink wine and coffee, and eat delicious food.
We’ve covered a lot of ground the last 10 years, and there would have been a dozen reasons in any season to pull the plug. 10 years in, we have almost 8 (two of us are VERY pregnant) kids between us. We have husbands, jobs, mortgages, and extended families. We’re a part of new communities that require our time and attention, but we still cling to this weekend.
And it’s more important than ever.
Sometimes I fear that staying connected to friends, or the family that we’ve chosen, is a lost art. That we aren’t willing to sacrifice on behalf of one another anymore. That we are so busy with our daily lives, and depleted by our phones, jobs, and daily demands that we can’t see the bigger picture anymore: we need each other.
Simultaneously, there’s countless research studies that point to the importance of friendship and strong social support in helping us feel stable and whole.
If you are a mom and you are struggling, reconnecting with friends might just be the answer.
My husband is a wonderful man. A fantastic partner, a fun and present father, and an engaged boss, coworker and son. But he isn’t a mom friend. He will never know what it is to be a mom. He can’t fill that need for me. And your partner, kids, and parents can’t fill it for you.
How Did The Mom Friend Time Go?
This weekend, I think I slept about 8 hours over the 2 nights we were away. I brought a teething baby that didn’t want to sleep, and they brought 7 month pregnant bellies. But we did it.
And because we did, my two best friends know my youngest son.
Because we did, we got to look each other in the eyes, listen to the stories that feel important, the decisions that we are pondering, and the remind one another of the places that we’ve been and the many mountains we’ve climbed.
Because we did, we were reminded that we are known, loved, and that we look forward to one another’s presence.
And I’m telling you this for one reason: it’s not too late, and they’re not too far away. The high school, childhood, college, or early adult friend who you missed isn’t gone. You can reconnect; you have time. Reach out on facebook, instagram, or via email. Grab coffee, lunch, or book a weekend again.
Moms need friends. It’s not silly, and it’s not too much. We need each other.
*** Also, if you don’t feel like you have options for mom friends, please know that you aren’t alone. There are entire types of therapy dedicated to developing social skills. If this kind of support sounds like something you need, you can reach out here.
